Monday, 18 February 2013

Mom Drives Me To Drink!

I have a volatile relationship with my mother. Often I wont pick up the phone if I see it's her number. I will wait for her to leave a message and depending on her mood I will call her back or wait for another day. I know this probably isn't the best way to deal with her, and I certainly wont win Daughter of the Year but I have a responsibility to take care of myself. And sometimes that means not dealing with her drama.

I have a hard time understanding my mother. How can she be the same woman who used to do my hair every morning before elementary school that is now spreading harmful gossip and vicious rumors about her own family? That's why I let her calls go to voice mail often, I need to know which Mom is calling. Caring loving mom, or the Other Mom? Is she calling to chat, or to passive aggressively tell me what a disappointment I am? She is master of the insult compliment. Recently she told me that my new hair cut makes my face less fat. Thanks Mom. She used to rage against how my old job treated me until I quit. Then I was over sensitive and stupid to have thrown away such a great opportunity.

I used to react to these conversations by binge eating and purging. And I will admit I purged tonight after speaking with her for a scant 5 minutes. She hates my sister in laws, and she wants me to collect dirt on them from facebook. I refused and she accused me of being on their side, whatever that means. But after I recovered and got myself pulled together I decided I needed to find a better way of detoxing after her phone calls.

I have started juicing recently and I find that it has been helping me feel pretty good, if I leave out the grapefruit. And I decided to recover the nutrition lost in my purge by making some juice. Juicing allows me to get the nutrients from a variety of veggies and fruit without overloading my battered system with fiber.

                                 Take all of this veg...
And make two cups of juice.

By far the best juicing book I have found so far. 
Some juice recipes are delicious, but I chose to make a couple of recipes that are a bit stronger. The ingredients included garlic, lemons, celery, broccoli, apples, onion, cayenne pepper and agave nectar. It was a little hard to chug down but now my tummy is full of nutrients. I am interested in getting my body back into a healthy state and even though I have bad days and sometimes fall into bad habits I can still treat myself well. I deserve it. Plus a popsicle, because that juice might have been nutrition but I needed to get the taste out of myself.

Until next time my fellow dis-functionals!

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