Recovering from an eating disorder is hard. Recovery while dealing with depression and anxiety is harder. And trying to fix yourself while still feeling suicidal occasionally is excruciating. Eating well takes on a whole new level of anxiety when if I believe if I get it wrong, I might just as well kill myself.
How do you even quantify eating well? Who do I listen to? The food guide, a book, a magazine, Dr Oz? Depending on the source the answers to how to eating well can be very different. I wish I knew where to turn for help. It is even more maddening because I am an education person, I took nutrition in University. I "know" how I should eat, I just can't do it. I keep flying over moderation and land in restriction or binge eating.
I am planning to get a consultation with a nutritionist soon, and I meet with a new therapist this week. I just need to make it through this week. I'm trying to at least reduce my purging, even if I can't manage to reduce the binges. One day at a time.