Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Waiting Room WTF

I have spent my fair share of time in waiting rooms. Being sick means you always have appointments with one doctor or another, plus the occasional trip to the dentist or eye doctor. Sometimes the greatest frustration isn't the time you spend being examined, poked, prodded, scoped or medicated, it's the time spent in the waiting room. I'm not talking about the time lost, that's a whole other post. I'm talking about the other people in the waiting room, and the types of weirdos, freaks and creepers that always seem to be there.

Has anyone else come across some of these people? I can't be the only one who has sat in a waiting room and screamed silently in my head WTF? I know I'm crazy, but I'm often in good company with the other nut jobs in waiting rooms.

The Personal Groomer: There always seems to be someone preening. It can be putting on make up, filing their nails or doing their hair, which isn't too bad. But, I have also witnessed nose picking, nose hair trimming, under garment rearranging, flossing, putting in contacts, and even one person clipping their toenails.

Loud Cell Phone Creep: This person has a loud, annoying ring tone that is constantly going off. They may also talk loudly on the phone about personal details you wish you didn't hear. I don't need to know that you slept with your brother in law and now you're at the doctor because you think you have gonorrhea. Text that shit, but put your phone on vibrate first. And burn that chair when you leave, ugh.

Lonely Old Man: There is always one, he will talk to anyone who makes eye contact with him so stare at your feet. Topics can range from what he used to do before he retired, his extensive list of ailments, or how annoying his spouse is. And no matter what you say, he will keep on talking until one of you leaves.

Face Stuffer:  I understand that wait times are long and we all like caffeine or a quick snack. I'm not complaining about people with a coffee, or a cookie. I'm talking about the people who seem to be eating an entire meal in a germ filled waiting room. I have seen people with fast food, pasta, sushi, turkey dinner and clam chowder. Can you imaging sitting in a waiting room that smells like chowder, listening to someone slurp? I can. It's not good.

Stressed Mom: I can't decide if I am annoyed with this person, or feel bad for them. One child has an appointment and they have four more tagging along. These little hooligans tear around the waiting room touching stuff, bugging people and spreading disease. Can't they find someone to watch the rest for an hour or two? Grandparents? Day care? Uncle or Aunt? Kennel?

Indifferent parent: This person only has one kid to watch but they can't even manage that. The kid is being a pain in everyone's ass, vomiting or oozing on everything, or crying in agony, but Mom or Dad don't hear a thing while they play on their iPhone.

Shit Talker: Everyone complains while waiting, but this person is on a whole other level. They complain about the doctor, the staff, the facility, the wait times, their illnesses, their kids, their job and everything else. You can feel the negativity radiating off them. Stay away, unless you want to play a fun game of who's life is shittier?

I know I have probably had people think I'm the creeper in the waiting room. I have shown up for appointments, disheveled, exhausted, strung out and anxious. I probably look like a junkie some days. But at least I have enough presence of mind not to clip my toenails, cram my hand down my pants, and I cover my mouth when I cough. I might be crazy but I keep to myself. At least I did until I started blogging. Maybe I can be creepy blog girl in the waiting room next time.


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