Stop. Rest. Heal

I have been feeling anxious the past two weeks and I had an epiphany at art class tonight as to the reason behind my unease. My instructor has some decks of cards on a window sill that students are able to pick up and mull through. One deck has 52 different cards that are supposed to help you answer questions or provide guidance (I know it's hokey but indulge me). For the first time I picked up the deck during a short break, shuffled through them and picked a card at random.

The card I picked was called Solitude. As I read the description it dawned on me that the reason I have been having trouble is I have been overextending myself. When I started the new year I was desperate to start a new chapter in my life. I wanted to improve many different aspects of my life. I was so overwhelmed I had to pick a resolution at random to avoid overloading myself. But after a week I started putting more on my plate, until I was buried. I wanted to volunteer more, paint more, exercise more, fix my finances and improve my relationships. I became swamped with obligations and started getting sick again.

So now I need to go back to focusing on myself, and getting better. I need to focus on my one resolution for January, which is to try new recipes. I got a great new cookbook from the library today that has many new recipes I want to try. This weekend I am going to relax in my kitchen and try some of them. Everyone and everything else can wait. I do not want to go back to the dark place I was in last year. So I am going to stop for a while, take time to rest, and heal myself before I fix anything else.

So thank you random deck of advice cards, and whatever force compelled me to pick them up for the first time and choose the one that allowed me to see my situation clearly. The world works in mysterious ways, sometimes things even work out for the best.

Time to stay on shore and watch the work do by.