I don't have to be perfect, I don't expect perfection from others and I will never accomplish it myself. Sometimes I need to slow down, stop spinning in circles and remind myself "It is what it is..." I can't change the past, I can't predict the future. I can't control other people, the weather, the economy or the universe. I just have to try and control my reaction to it. And that is freaking hard on a good day, and damn near impossible on a bad one.
Being dysfunctional is hard. It is difficult enough to make decision when you have a solid grasp on reality, confidence, support and optimism. When you have doubt, anxiety, fear and stress, simple decisions are agonizing, and difficult ones are impossible. I couldn't even decide what to do for a new years resolution, how am I supposed to find a new job? How do I fix my abysmal financial situation? Why didn't I just give up?
Good or bad day, the world keeps spinning and we disfunctionals must continue to function. Every time I think of something negative I try to focus on something else. I may be spending too much time on the internet watching cat videos but at least I'm not wallowing in self pity and loathing. We all have different ways to cope. As long as they are healthy and helpful, keep on trying. And if they are detrimental and harmful, stop. Do something else, anything else.
I keep a poster by my desk. It reads "Be nice to yourself. It's hard to be happy when someone's mean to you all the time" It's great advice, and I try to listen to it. Being on antidepressants has helped a lot, but I still need to work on the cognitive glitches. Be nice to yourself, get help, get support and leave the bullshit behind you. There is beauty in the grayest of days, you just have to look for it.
|Peace and beauty.|